


Fracture

by Kreativekilljoy



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Informant!Izaya, M/M, Policeofficer!Shizuo, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 02:31:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kreativekilljoy/pseuds/Kreativekilljoy
Summary: Sometimes he wondered if the reason he hadn't broken Izaya yet was because he was unbreakable or already broken.





	Fracture

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh I missed writing for this ship, like truly, I feel a pull for it even though I'm currently writing for another fandom. This tag is also looking quite empty lately (which makes me so sad, i feel like I've read near everything of these two) so this is my contribution, can't let the fanworks die for these two. Only a short fic because these two haunt me and I had to get them out of my system so let me know what you think and I'll be working on part two. Also I've never written such a long chapter 3k is a big deal for me I'm shook.
> 
> E n j o y

Heiwajima Shizuo was put on the earth to _destroy_.

To crumple and break everything beneath the crush of his inhumane strength, brittle it down to dust. It hadn't mattered when he was a kid, his parents had just called him clumsy when his toys broke with barely any use, they would smile and tell Shizuo they'd buy him another figurine or car. 

It hadn't mattered when he was twelve and primed to hit puberty, the neighbourhood kids were in awe of him, called him strong when he could lift up heavy objects, his father was proud, called him a real man when he saw how strong his boy was.

It seemed normal then, just a child with a bit more strength than usual, developing and growing, a bit shorter on temper but kids always had a short fuse these days, boys would be boys.

He had his parents' pride, his brother's friendship and his classmates' admiration.

It was all fine until it wasn't normal anymore, until it shifted, distorted. Grew larger into a realm that didn't fit people's understanding. He became an anomaly in the data set.

His bedroom walls had holes, his classroom door knob was broken, he crushed a kid's finger and the last straw was when he threw a fridge at his precious brother for a reason he couldn't remember among the blurred panic and anger.

His parents' pride wilted, their smiles becoming strained, his brother became quieter, retreated, his classmates avoided him.

Shizuo had knocked everything good in his life over, reached out with his grotesque strength and ruined it.

Perhaps a middleschooler shouldn't have such a fractured view on himself and the world, perhaps it affected his mental stability, stunted his happiness but how was he to know that the reality of his thoughts and a normal middleschooler's thoughts varied exponentially?

 

 

 Highschool came and brought no positive change. It was a bigger playing field, a tougher and brutal battle ground. Teenagers became obsessed with other people's businesses, gossiped and spread rumours, projected their insecurities and warped it to create a toxic environment.

It seemed that these days that Shizuo's temper had worsened. His grades and the pressure of his existence weighed down on him to slump his shoulders in defeat. Gangs challenged him, he broke bones.

Shizuo was fifteen and so very alone, no one wanted to engage in conversation with him.

He didn't walk hand in hand with a cute blushing girl, didn't exert himself on sport teams because he would hurt someone, didn't hang out with friends after school. He couldn't understand how his life could align so much with all these people but couldn't tangle due to one variable, his strength.

Shizuo was a simple person and he wished that things could be simple.

He didn't want the thought that he was a destroyer ingrained in his mind but carved it stayed, denied him from any normality he craved.

Shizuo was alone.

 

 

 

Shizuo's spirits dampened every time he had to fight people, had to imprint violence onto their skin, it was hypocritical and ironic but Shizuo hated violence.

It caused his spirit to dampen with gasoline, lit it to a fiery rage that consumed him, made him taste fire at the back of his throat, spiralled his vision and heated his veins, boiled him to topple over.

So when somebody clapped behind him after his act of violence, his hackles rose, reared his ugly head. His vision was almost red when it zeroed in on the boy opposite him, wearing a grin that cut his attractive features into disgusting smugness. 

Shizuo's nostrils flared, a sweet tangy smell tinted the air, reminding him of copper.

Shizuo didn't like this boy with his pristine uniform and haughty smile and let him know that.

The boy was the first one to ever harm him, to ever lay a cut on his flesh, marking him.

As he lay, staring at the gray sky, swirling with clouds and transitioning to dusk, winded from the truck that had knocked him over, his mind turned over thoughts of the boy with the russet eyes, wondered how anyone could approach him like that.

He decided that he hated him.

 

 

Izaya was an impostor, the same monster like Shizuo but he blended in and it wasn't fair. He disguised himself, let the sharp edged smile become charming around people, let the brightness in his eyes seem like confidence and good will rather than the sinister thing it was. Let any little shift in his expression or tone or posture control the response other people had to him, puppet them through their interactions. It was honestly creepy to watch.

Shizuo's teachers liked the well mannered boy that was Orihara Izaya, flaunted him around like an honorary student and Shizuo knew with no small amount of ire that Izaya was intelligent, sharp minded and clever, it was the only facet in him that didn't scream false to him, make him seem like artificial sugar, fake and too much. Their peers adored him, looked up to him, it seemed like he was everyone's friend but Shizuo could see the distance near tangibly of how far Izaya kept them from him, observed them as things rather than humans that wanted to be validated by being friends with the popular boy.

It ached, hurt swirled inside him that stung jagged to see Izaya have everything he wanted even though Izaya was also a monster, not the same league as him, a monster of the mind but a freak nonetheless, accepted, blending perfectly and flying high.

It hurt so much that it became raw and big within him, hot and angry, made him furious.

He chased the little rodent all around their school, bending and breaking, leaving destruction just to reach him and try to break him just like he broke everything but Izaya was unreachable .

He smiled at him taunting, making barbed comments and insults until Shizuo could barely reign in his rage.

Izaya was never fake with him.

 

 

 

Next year of highschool saw a small bespectacled boy with a slight manic thrill in his eyes pull the chair beside Shizuo in class and sit beside him. 

Shizuo blinked shock at the brunet that sat nonchalantly beside him, no one dared to sit beside Heiwajima Shizuo, he was a loner, a solitary figure, a freak that would hurt anyone that tried to be close to him.

The boy beside him angled his body towards him, flashed him a broad grin that caused Shizuo to now stare at him stunned.

"You're Heiwajima Shizuo," he stated, excitement edging into his tone as he focused all of his rapt attention upon him.

Shizuo squirmed, uncomfortable and bewildered. Who would guess a guy that could punch a wall gaping open could be socially awkward?

"That's me," he said, the words feeling too big and awkward in his mouth, stunted, trying to project his voice as gentle, he didn't want to scare this boy away, he hadn't realised he was this lonely.

"I'm Kishitani Shinra, when Izaya-kun told me about you, I couldn't believe it until I saw you fighting."

Shizuo faltered, the bridge broke as anger started rushing inside him. Why couldn't this flea leave him alone, let it go? The one person to talk to him properly in a long time was sent with an agenda from Izaya.

If the boy noticed any of Shizuo's inner turmoil he said nothing, stared with delight as the pen in Shizuo's grasp was crushed but the moment was broken by their teacher entering the room.

At lunch, Shizuo ate alone on the rooftop people steered clear from but the strange boy followed him, asking him all these intrusive questions in torrents that made Shizuo's head spin.

He wondered why the boy wasn't afraid of him, the only person that managed to do that was that bastard flea but here was Shinra sitting beside him and if anyone looked from the outside, they could be mistaken as friends.

 

 

Shizuo shook his suspicions of Shinra after a few months and although the boy was not perfect, could even be crazier than Izaya, Shizuo took a small happiness in having one friend.

Then he made another when a transfer student came by called Kadota, who was the most level headed boy Shizuo had encountered, calmed him marginally by just his presence.

Highschool had this one bright spot in his memory.

 

 

Shizuo's shoulders broadened more, his muscles became more defined, his body not awkward and boyish but finally filling out, his voice was deep and he stood taller than his parents. He was becoming even more stronger, disgustingly strong, now when he broke bones he was numb, the red hot anger freezing in him.

His anger wasn't as directionless as before, it was more aimed towards Orihara Izaya who had also grown taller, his voice was softer than Shizuo's but still masculine, his body wiry and thin, flexible and fast. The cruelty in his eyes wasn't the playful thing it was before, it had hardened and if Izaya was considered pretty in his youth, it was nothing to how his face had become in the two years when Shizuo had first encountered him.

They had grown up.

 

 

His automatic function seemed to be violence, his instincts roaring outrage, sometimes he didn't know what to do with all the bubbling and clashing emotions, that ricocheted loudly in his head.

A girl of all beings had confessed to him, a senpai, confident enough to ask him. They went on a few dates, Shizuo had pressed a shaky first kiss to her lips, too caught up in thinking about how much pressure he could apply with his hands, how to hold her, measuring every movement, terrified of his own strength to take any pleasure beyond the fact that someone was willing to be so close to him.

Not that it mattered, Izaya decided to enforce the grand scheme of unleashing a gang upon Shizuo on his date a few days later and Shizuo didn't hear from her again.

He found Izaya later, he chased, Izaya ran, it was an easy pattern, it was the same old but at least he could let it out instead of bottling it up, at least he was never afraid of hurting Izaya.

 

 

He woke up one night, hot and flushed, memories of a razor smile, collar bones and smaller wrists, pale and delicate causing him to strain in his boxers, want knotted in his stomach, he pushed the covers off him and rolled over and fell asleep again, the memory forgotten in the morning.

 

 

He followed Izaya's scent once like the animal he was, believed that the bastard must be up to something truly heinous when he caught it fresh and contaminating the air, only to stumble across the corner into a residential area, picturesque houses with fence framed gardens like in the western movies, much more expensive than Shizuo's humble residence.

He suddenly felt like an intruder, too dirty to walk across the immaculate area, didn't want to tarnish it with whatever poison flowed in his veins, he was just swerving to leave when he heard a laugh, familiar and alien simultaneously. Soft, not the usual sharp, shattering thing it was. 

He spotted the crown of raven locks, Izaya in his garden, laughing with two young girls that bore such a resemblance to him, it was distinguishable they were siblings.

Carefree, he was smiling, face not twisted, morphed into the ugly he usually portrayed.

Beautiful.

Realistically Shizuo was aware on some level that surely Izaya had a life outside school and gangs, the meddling and their fighting, he had a family, sisters. It was so bizarre to see him in such a normal environment, it left Shizuo reeling, conflicted.

In the end, Orihara Izaya was just a boy, a man, simple as that, it boiled down to only that and he realised that no matter how much Izaya writhed and fought against the label, he was just that. It was a hard thing to be, too plain, he could see why it would be hard for Izaya, the Izaya that believed he was divine to accept that, to just be another face amongst the mass, insignificant, after so long Shizuo understood his enemy a little bit without his temper clouding everything to fury.

Shizuo turned and left, calm and without resentment for once.

 

 

Realisations didn't always come spontaneously, there wasn't any metaphorical light bulb in your head that _lit_ awareness suddenly to your mind with clarity. It crept up, small things, afterthoughts merging and coalescing together until Shizuo was in his final year in highschool and teachers and parents alike were chanting words like _future_ and _academic success_ and _jobs_ that left Shizuo on an endless loop of worry. He hadn't amounted to anything. His life was a never ending monotony of the same things, of the same heavy emotions that injected red hot anger to his veins. Sometimes Shizuo wondered if the universe had given him too much of everything, there was never a balance, no stabiliser of his strength or emotions, he wondered if others felt with this intensity, thought with this intensity.

His grades weren't enough to get him to college, his reputation was enough to leave him the losing contender of obtaining a job.

In the end all he had was his strength and anger and the only way to utilise that was joining the army, that was the only place his strength could thrive, where hurting people wouldn't make him feel so choked up on guilt afterwards. Even though he hated violence, his whole being seemed to be shaped for just that.

Nothing could hurt Heiwajima Shizuo, only his own thoughts.

 

 

When he trudged up the steps to his designated rooftop, hoping to smoke a cigarette, another habit that had crept up on Shizuo during a class that Shizuo should feel guilty for skipping but didn't see much point in tormenting his brain over, he hadn't expected to see the slender figure of his nemesis, elbows leaning on the railing and looking serene in the backdrop of the bright sky. 

Shizuo breathed deeply, the cooper smell suffusing into his senses, his body already tensing and spiking with adrenaline, rearing for a fight. Usually he could pick up the presence of Izaya like a trigger within seconds but Izaya had been skipping out days in school in their final year, missing more than actually attending.

"You shouldn't sign up for the army Shizu-chan," he said, already attuned to Shizuo's presence and on a regular day hearing him even utter his nickname would cause projectiles of chairs and tables but there was no taunting edge to it, no drawl or teasing and that drew Shizuo to a stop.

"Why the fuck not and how the fuck do you know Izaya-kun?" Shizuo growled, stomping over to the slighter boy to glare at him at the very least if he wasn't resorting to physical violence. Yet. Even if he did, his throwing skills were a little off, not up to the usual standard in the past few months ever since he figured out Izaya had pointed Shinra in his direction and that had resulted in him having his first best friend even if Izaya hadn't intended it.

Izaya tilted his head to the side, brought forth the brilliance of his brown eyes to focus on Shizuo and Shizuo had never realised the copper red tinge to them, how Izaya's cheekbones sloped and the shadows of his lashes fell over the curve or the shine to his hair, he had never been able to pay attention so singularly on the boy's face too caught up in his haze of rage.

"You'd become a weapon for them, don't be stupid, they'd use you for violence in unspeakable ways," Izaya answered, there was a stillness to the air in that moment, a loudness to what he said because of the quiet but no insults, just a seriousness that was so uncharacteristic it left Shizuo reeling.

What Izaya was saying held truth, it was so absurd that instead of grabbing Izaya when he was so within reach and immobile, Shziuo agreed with him, felt maybe a bit of relief that someone was voicing against it when even his parents had agreed that's where his talents lay.

"What are you up to?" Shizuo voiced suspiciously his hand gaining traction on the handrails and holding them tight suddenly at a loss with the weight of Izaya's gaze on any certainty.

Izaya laughed, the sound brittle and Shizuo's hands bent the metal with a clench.

Here Shizuo was with no clue or knowledge of what Izaya was up to these days and already Izaya knew something that he had held close to him, he would have to have serious words with Shinra. Instead of anger, he felt lost, left behind by the flea of all people.

"Don't mind me Shizu-chan."

Something about those words rang a finality, the charged atmosphere dropping to diminish into something heavier, Shizuo wasn't as stupid as people believed, something had transpired here but he couldn't put his finger on it.

Izaya leaned off the handrail and turned around to retreat, to leave and panic clawed in sharp scratches in Shizuo's chest.

"You too," Shizuo blurted, causing Izaya's feet to halt. "Don't get too involved in that underground crap."

The stellar student that was Orihara Izaya was missing weeks of schools, his grades dropping, their chases were so infrequent that sometimes Izaya dropped off the axis of existence to Shizuo and although he hated the rodent, the little sliver of worry was made more prominent in this moment that felt like some sort of transition.

In all the past years, Shizuo had never saw Izaya lose his composure, never seen an expression a fraction off control.

The skin around Izaya's eyes were too tight when he turned around to flash Shizuo a smile that made his instincts scream danger.

"It's too late now."

 


End file.
